Melancholy
by IceCrome
Summary: Or also known as: 'Why Itachi should never space out'. Itachi pairs people off, Hidan is amused, and Deidara struggles not to kill himself. Slight SasoDei and KakuHida. Brain breakage. You have been warned.


_I officially love pervert!Itachi. _

_For srs. _

_© Kishimoto_

_OOC. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS..._

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It wasn't unlike Itachi to find some awkward moment to make Hidan and Deidara cringe.

Itachi was a mastermind at making awkward moments even more awkward.

So as it happened, the three of them sitting in their favorite cafe, Hidan playing Metroid on his DS and swearing at everything that shot at him, and Deidara molding his fries into a smiley face, Itachi found the comforting silence to space out.

Hidan briefly looked up at Itachi, and back down to his game, before double-taking on the ebony-haired man and cringing.

_'Here we go..._'

"You know who would make a good couple?" Deidara looked up from arranging his fries to look at Itachi. "Sasori-kun and Hinata-chan." Hidan snorted, and Deidara's face turned pale, breaking a fry in half.

"Un!?" Deidara's eye widened, and Itachi shrugged.

"I mean, think about it. Hinata-chan is a shy girl, and I'm sure Sasori-kun could break her out of that stupor with a good screw or two." Deidara shook slightly, and blinked rapidly. The idea of _his_ boyfriend screwing _Hinata_?

"Itachi, un, what the hell!" Itachi paid little attention to Deidara's utter disdain.

"Or Kakuzu and Tobi-kun." It was now Hidan's turn to shudder.

"That prick and that dumbass? Shit, Itachi, you've got some problems." Hidan shut the lid on his DS, and gave a glare towards Itachi.

"But Tobi-kun is open to everything, and _you _know about Kakuzu's obsession with bondage especially, Hidan." Hidan spit out his drink in Deidara's face, who grumbled and wiped it off with a nearby napkin.

"Ew, Hidan, just _ew..._" Deidara said, sending a glare towards Hidan.

"But, um, hi, _Kakuzu and Tobi_? Itachi, that fails on the epic scale." Hidan said, and wiggling his eyebrows towards Deidara. "Besides, doesn't Tobi have a goddamn interest in this one? Seriously, he's like, in-fucking-love with you." Deidara growled.

"Ah, don't give us a fucking example of what you and Sasori do in bed! I mean, shit, don't growl at me. Save it for 'Sori." Deidara repeatedly hit his head on the table, and groaned.

"Or perhaps Tobi and Sasori...? He does have all those toys Deidara told us about, and Tobi's not one to say no..." Hidan knee-jerked and bent over laughing, while Deidara gave a moan of despair.

"Itachi, I will murder you in your sleep, un." Deidara said, and Itachi nodded.

"Hn...that's interesting, Deidara...but what about Sasori and my little brother, Sasuke? You know...the one who beat you in that one game and you've held a grudge over him forever? Angry sex is the best." Itachi said, sipping on his Ramune.

Deidara gave a look of shock.

Hidan snorted.

"Or so I've heard..." Itachi said innocently.

Deidara let out a moan of despair once more, and Hidan chuckled, giving the junior a pat on the head.

"Ah, Itachi, I think you should stop pairing Sasori up with random girls—."

"But what about Sasori and Tenten! They both like sharp things. It's a match made in heaven." Itachi said, flailing his arms. Deidara continued to pound his head on the table, and Hidan sat in blissful ignorance.

"Or...Sasori and Orochimaru-sensei."

Deidara gaped.

Hidan laughed.

Itachi stared.

At that moment, Deidara was thankful. He looked over towards the door as the bell had rang, signaling another patron, when his red-headed beau walked in.

"Eh, hey guys. I just needed to pick up Dei—." Deidara latched himself onto Sasori's arm shaking violently.

"Deidara, what the hell..."

"Just..._get me away from Itachi_, un." Sasori nodded, and kissed the shaking blond on the head to calm him down, and the two left, leaving Hidan and Itachi alone, making a comfortable silence.

Until...

"...You know who would make a hot threesome?"

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_Oh god, this is really random. The terrific trio is awesome, I swear. _

_I know this seems more in Hidan's field, but dammit, I just wanted to write Itachi. _

_I read a Sailor Moon story somewhat similar to this, soo..._


End file.
